It’s full moon. I feel miserable. I’m desperate to find love, my Mr Right, my Prince, and I can’t really think about other stuff too much. So I fall in love with people, I don’t even know. They are quite well-known, you know. Mostly British. They all have beautiful eyes and something I simply adore. I really fall for them. But then after some time I realise how stupid I am and the loving just fades. But this state does unfortunately (?!) not last for long, because my heart find someone else to beat for. And so I believe in miracles and wait for him (whoever that it) to find me. How? No idea. I can’t do much about it. They are famous and busy and I guess a relationship between a famous person (like an actor or something) and an ordinary girl (like me) would not work anyway. He’s busy, I have to be here, or somewhere else, the point is, my (future) career will make me stuck in one place. Unless I change my mind and choose something else.
I know I’m young and still have plenty of time to settle down. I was hiding it from myself, but I actually need that certain still point in my life. Something that is constant. It’s not changing. Only with me.
I love this place. England. It’s a magic to here, a dream. But sometimes I wonder if I’m right about it. I’ve been here for almost a year now and haven’t found a real close friend. Perhaps I don’t want to or perhaps I’m fighting against it. Don’t know. And it’s not quite true, because I have found friends. And it felt to talk to them. But they had to leave. So I stayed alone. Again – not really, I’m not alone. Maybe it’s just a lesson from life, teaching me to be more open and let people close soon and trust them from second one. Okay, maybe not from the first moment, but you get my point, don’t you?
I wish for friends. For love. For a voice that makes my knees turn to jelly. For eyes I can’t lie to. For hands I can’t push away from my body. For a mind that understands me and vice versa. Maybe I want too much. Maybe I haven’t learnt enough yet to get all these. Or maybe he’s not ready for me. Or maybe I’m blind and deaf and can’t notice the signs attacking me from everywhere... J
